Relieve me of my dreams

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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Matt Sloane" journal:

July 19th, 2005
01:03 pm [Link]	pain is not my friend for real. seriously it sucks hardcore. i punish you all by using only one finger to type and that means no shift key. i have decided today is worse than detox ever was, and i did that more than once thank you, but at least i'm actually here today and not off in 'delusional la la land' like nurse said i was yesterday still refusing painkillers so that's something anyway i think i need to have a serious talk with somebody because damn this is doing the opposite of 'going away' and i need an opinion on something Current Mood: sick (3 comments \| Leave a comment)
July 11th, 2005
01:33 pm [Link]	Air = bracing That was very, very pleasant. I like the roof - it's almost above the lingering pollution. And I now have a 'borrowed' set of scrubs hidden in case I want to do it again. I did some thinking up there - lots of stuff, really. Not a lot else to do since I'm still getting tests done and stuff. I mean, in theory I could do my thinking down here, but roofs are kind of perspective-y. (I don't care if that's not a word.) About the only thing I ended up with was the conviction that thinking is something I really, really shouldn't do. Current Mood: listless (3 comments \| Leave a comment)
July 10th, 2005
11:16 am [Link]	Oh-kay, seriously sick of the leads. Head is killing me. Going to take them off for a bit and flee to see if there's non-filtered air somewhere. (I'm staying in the building, though - betting the security guys are tougher than me.) Current Mood: ow ow ow (Leave a comment)
July 4th, 2005
03:56 pm [Link]	Happy Fourth, everyone! And especially to the nurses who let me off my leads long enough to take a shower - while I appreciate the washing and realize it's because I've picked up this unfortunate habit of seizing at bad times, I appreciate the shower more. The thanks extend up to Dr. Chase who I'm sure had a hand in my brief allowance of liberty - it's very much appreciated. And because of that I resisted the urge to find a scale and weigh myself to see whether there's really any difference to being weighed while soaking wet. And... out of books. Take that, written word. Current Mood: awake (Leave a comment)
June 29th, 2005
06:45 am [Link]	( Private ) Current Mood: aw, HELL (Leave a comment)
June 27th, 2005
06:32 pm [Link]	Entry #I stopped counting, so sue me - Visitation! Dan came by today, with Tammy - one of her prenatal appointments was today, apparently, so they swung by the room to see me festooned with wires. To their credit, neither of them laughed. I'm not fired... thank God... but I was told in no uncertain terms that the rabbi is expecting a call, since I haven't missed services twice in a row in nine months, and by God that call had better be in Yiddish. Or Hebrew. I really, really, sincerely hope that was a joke. On the off chance it wasn't, I'll be practicing vocabulary in my head. So if you see me talking to myself, that's why. I'm not crazy. Or at least not talk-to-things crazy. Not right now anyway. Current Mood: nervous (12 comments \| Leave a comment)
June 21st, 2005
05:20 pm [Link]	Entry #5 - Awesome To the person who left the books and gameboy in the room while I was sleeping/seeing things/otherwise out of it, you are an angel of mercy. You'd be a god or goddess depending on gender, but the rabbi would thump me for that 'false idol' thing. You're something, anyway. I'll now be channeling nervous energy into turning pages instead of annoying the nurses by sneakily removing leads. I think these probably fall under the heading of 'junk novels' but what do I care? I've never read any of these before, and junk novels are always the easiest to find in libraries. Should I ever get off my ass and actually get a library card. So thank you again, o mysterious nice person. Current Mood: grateful (16 comments \| Leave a comment)
June 20th, 2005
06:51 pm [Link]	So yesterday was Father's Day, huh? Wow. ( Private ) Current Mood: huh (Leave a comment)
June 17th, 2005
01:39 pm [Link]	Entry #3 - I win at the sicknesses Take that, angry nurse lady. I knew I'd throw up. The score: Matt 1, Angry Nurse 1. (I gave her a point for the lecture - she's a master.) The beeping things are still kicking my ass 1 to 0. ( Private ) Current Mood: restless (Leave a comment)
June 16th, 2005
01:21 pm [Link]	Entry #2- Nervous energy strikes again Eventually I'll forget what silence is - there'll be only these beeping things. I'm sure they're useful for something, but I have no idea what. I did find out that taking the stickies off gets you a) loud tones more piercing than the beeping and b) a stern lecture from an angry nurse who thought you were dying. She also didn't like my idea that I just fling something into the hallway if I think I'm dying. The score: Beeping Things 1, Matt 0. On the physical front, this is uncomfortably like a flashback. I don't need another slow-motion replay of any of that particular period of time, but I'm getting it anyway. I asked the angry nurse for something to throw up in (when she took a breath from lecturing) and she gave me a look that said 'I know you're not nauseous, mister' but regardless I now have a plastic bucket. Or... something of the kind. Not sure. Oh well, now I'm prepared. Also, really grateful I don't have a cat or anything. Not that my building allows pets, but if I had one I'd have to get someone to go feed it, and that's an adventure in itself given my neighborhood. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: beep... beep... beep.... (5 comments \| Leave a comment)

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